We have probably all had visions and hopes for the kind of Mom we will be once we’ve started our families. Maybe you want to be just like your mom, your grandma, or possibly the complete opposite. It’s difficult to not compare yourself to others, but it’s necessary to focus on your own relationships as this could quickly and easily steal the joy from under your feet. And let’s face it, on this parenting journey, we are all learning as we go.
When you are longing for a child of your own, you probably think of the unconditional love you will share, the sweet moments with family, sibling relationships and all things joyful. Truthfully, a lot of parenting is all of those things, but most people fail to consider the discipline, back-talk and acting out that is inevitable, while others vow that their children will never be like that.
People will, without hesitation, tell you how difficult parenting can be, and you’ll nod and smile, accepting that as a challenge. But it’s not until you actually have children that you truly understand what it is they were trying to convey.
Many people sneer at, and possibly even reject, the notion of positive parenting, believing that it is for lazy parents with kids who do what they want with little-to-no consequences. Let me tell you, it’s actually the contrary.
Positive parenting builds a mutual respect between child and parent by actively listening to your child when they are upset, ultimately creating a deeper connection. A positive and peaceful parent deals with situations calmly and ensures that the child knows they can safely share any issue without being yelled at or belittled.
Sounds like a parent who is not in control of the situation, right? That was my thought at first, too. However, coming from someone who struggles with patience and who yells (yep, that’s me!) practicing calmer reactions has helped end many tantrums and fights much quicker than before. I am actually more in control of the situation now. Sounds like magic, huh.
When children feel that they are respected and have a voice, their trust in you will grow and for years to come, they will keep an open communication. This is not something that just happens over night. It takes time and patience.
It is our responsibility as the adult to share our calm, not our chaos.
Discipline vs. Punishment
Parenting is so much more than obedience. Our kids will have their own kids someday and we should model the way we want them to treat others. When we focus on physical punishment and yelling in order to get our children to behave, we are demanding obedience out of fear, rather than understanding and connection.
When you send your child to their room for not listening, or spank your son for pushing his little sister, your child isn’t actually reflecting on what they did wrong. Surprised? Probably not. Young children simply don’t have the processing skills necessary to understand why they are in their room for 30 minutes, so it is our job as parents to teach our children how to behave rather than punishing them for their misbehavior.
There is always a reason for misbehavior, even if it seems silly to us, it is not silly to our children in that moment.
Of course, we all fall short at times. You can certainly use that as a learning opportunity to show your children that emotions are real and it’s okay to work through those emotions together. By continuing to grow together and focusing on progress over perfection, you are instilling a positive growth mindset in your child, ultimately teaching them that setbacks and mistakes are a natural part of life.
Related: How To Nurture Your Child’s Self-Esteem (https://amberosmer.com/nurture-your-childs-self-esteem/)
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Filling Their Cup
Have you ever heard the saying, to some kids, negative attention is better than no attention at all? I believe this wholeheartedly. Just as you take care of your needs daily, you should also be meeting the needs of your children.
Think about what it is that makes your child happiest. Maybe even consider their love language. Most children just want love and attention. I’m referring to undivided attention. Limit distractions, find a quiet place and connect.
Nothing can fill a child’s cup more than spending quality time with them. This tells your child that they are important and valued, and there is no need to compete for attention. This type of focused attention will help to form a strong and secure bond, and set the foundation for any future relationships as well. With that foundation, they understand and actually believe that they are a valued member of the family and are more likely to be cooperative during difficult times.
Children thrive on routine and typically perform better when there is a schedule in place. When you provide consistency for your children, you are also providing security and a more calm environment for everyone.
When your children are calm, you are calm, right? By practicing a consistent routine each day, you are teaching your children the importance of prioritizing tasks and time management. This in turn helps them to take pride in themselves, creating a healthy self-esteem.
It’s a win-win if you think about it. Our children have a strong sense of security when they have a parent who is calm and inviting, and they become more confident and happy in the end. Happy children lead to happier and calmer parents and a more peaceful household overall.
Related: These 7 Things Have Made Me a Better Mom (https://amberosmer.com/these-7-things-have-made-me-a-better-mom/)
How do you manage to stay calm? Is there a positive parenting technique that resonates with you.
About The Author
I’m Amber, a parenting and lifestyle blogger at Mom Unqualified. As a SAHM to two young children, I use my blog as a way to connect with other moms. I share parenting tips, relationship advice, and dabble in a little health and wellness and simple DIY.
Connect with me at amberosmer.com